Comrade Dan cracks a ton that would make Deano proud.

Today our dear leader Dan fronted his 100th press conference in a row. A milestone that demonstrates his selfless commitment to personally managing the COVID response and ensuring that we make the most of the crisis. A display of endurance in the face of adversity that even Dean Jones would be proud of.

The press conference sermons are a master class in political messaging. Maintaining a sense of fear is critical to ensuring the success of the lockdown and hiding the true purpose. Throughout the innings where Dan opened the bat with Jenny, he has skillfully avoided every short ball and sent many a wayward delivery to the fence. While Jenny Mikakos was run out recently in an understandable mix up that left both stranded at one end, the team has only lost one wicket while seeing off the worst of the weather (Coates enquiry). In truth Jenny was scoring slowly and was a little exposed to the Murdoch pace attack lead by Rachel Baxendale. The decision to run her out may appear heartless, given Dan called the run, but nonetheless necessary to ensure the momentum of the innings isn’t lost.

The true genius of the innings is the 200,000 small businesses in Victoria that won’t be back when the lockdown is lifted.

Needless to say that when the lockdown is lifted, a majority of the “free thinking” types who feel they can manage themselves will abandon Victoria and seek refuge in less progressive states and countries. Rest assured, they won’t be back, and their places will be filled with hard working, loyal comrades from our CCP brothers and sisters, who are keen to help rebuild and expand our infrastructure networks.

The COVID-19 Omnibus (Emergency Measures) Act 2020 which will give the government all the tools it needs to control any “crisis” in the future.

For the PRV this is a dream come true. With this Act, any opposition can be wrong footed and delayed while defenses are established and rebellions quashed before emerging.

In the meantime, enjoy the master class put on every morning by our fearless leader.

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